What have I gotten myself into?
I start grad school in less than two weeks. This is what I have wanted. I knew I wanted to go to grad school before I had even finished my Sophomore year of undergrad. I just can't help but doubt myself. Am I really capable of going through with this?
Drive. There are many things I am passionate about. I feel this goes beyond the "typical" social work mentality of wanting to change the world, or to make a difference. I am sure my whole cohort will feel the same way about themselves. I want to change myself, to make a difference with who I am. Is this a selfish mentality for a social worker? Is work any different than a relationship? How can I be the best at a job, when I don't know my limits, don't know myself?
Think. To be completely cliche', I am starting a new chapter in my life. It was brought to my attention today that my father hasn't even completed his Bachelor's degree yet, and I am about to start my Masters. I realized a few years ago that I am the one who loads the pressure on. I am the one who brings myself to tears because of the stress. I am the only one who ever doubts my abilities.
Challenge. My biggest challenge while in graduate school will not be meeting the reading deadlines, and meeting the paper requirements... the biggest challenge will be me not driving myself completely insane. I need to carry confidence. I need to remind myself daily why I am doing this.
Balance. I will be working full time. I will continue to give myself to a relationship, while also trying to stay grounded and true. I will be working with new people, in a new school, in a still very new city.
Mindfulness. I must practice being in the moment, ever moment. I cannot fill my head with thoughts of what happened, or what will happen. I only have control over now. I cannot fill my head with expectations. Reality is never what was expected, and this can only lead to disappointments.
I am going to find my world, and with all my heart... give myself to it.
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