Last week I was invited by a friend of mine to attend an evening talk at Seattle's Nalanda West, a center for Western Buddhism. A brief insight into my religious/spiritual background: I was raised mostly Mormon while growing up. I never quite understood the teachings, despite my mother's Sunday school lessons. At age ten, my parents divorced, and the union between LDS was also severed. For my own reasons (which I will not delve into here) I have never felt comfortable with organized religion.
While in my undergrad I became interested in religion. Not for my own practice, more out of curiosity. I am interested in the ways religion can empower, and also holds power over people, families, and entire nations. Through my quest to learn more, I was surprised to find myself identifying with a specific teaching and practice: Buddhism. I sought out books on mindfulness, Zen practice, Buddhist teachings, and the Siddhartha. I began to meditate, and was conscious of being present and allowing an open and honest heart. I felt this to be different than any other organized religion I had participated in. I did not feel guilt; there was no need to go to church each Sunday. There was no worshiping of my creator. In Buddhism, you are your own worshiper. Each day you work on yourself, from the mind out. I was comfortable with that.
Having read books and curious about the guest speaker, I was excited to visit Nalanda West. The speaker, Lama Surya Das, is a white guy from Massachusetts, and a leader in translating Tibetan Buddhist to American Buddhism. Lama Syra Das's most recent book is entitled Buddha Standard Time. In his 2 hour long talk, we did meditation chants, asked questions, and talked about time. TIME. The concept of time. Time is money. Time is of the essence. I don't have enough time. Is it time yet? Are we late? I'm early. Modern efforts have been made to give us more time. Microwaves. Online banking. Excel. Yet, we have also created portals that suck our time. X-Box. The Bachelor. Facebook.
Time can be stressful. How we handle the stress can be unhealthy and counterproductive. A foundational Buddhist teaching is this: how to live authentically and joyfully in the present moment. Lama Syra Das was visiting Seattle to envelop us in his wisdom of how to coexist with the inevitable and inexorable march of time.
As a grad student, state employee, friend, daughter, girlfriend, roller derby girl, lover of yoga, painter, baker, knitter, doggy owner, and fan of sleep… I struggle with time. I often feel overwhelmed, unorganized, and rushed. The clock guides my everyday. So much so that the watch around my wrist feels more like a ball and chain, and I literally let out a sigh of relief when I take it off at the end of the day. Where do I need to be right now? What should I be doing right now? Do I have enough time to get coffee? 4 more hours. It's 10 already? I experience time linearly. I spend little time in the present and enjoying the little accomplishments. I need to get better at this.
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's present time, one minute at a time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's two hours till I get to go home to Oregon time. It's waiting for the next open stall in the ladies restroom time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is said to be God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at the moment I am in. I'll notice how my breath feels in my lungs. I notice a stranger's perfect smile. In a conversation with Noah, I'll see that his mouth is moving but I can't hear him because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Noah all day, and my God -- I love him. Kairos.
Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy and delicious food. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Kairos.
Or when I curl up on the couch with Theo asleep at my feet and Noah asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To be at home each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't always remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them.
In spite of all my hectic days, I have more time than I think. In fact, I have all the time in the world. I just have to notice it.
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