Last night I had a fabulous dinner with a friend. Over decadent goat cheese stuffed figs and glasses of wine, we discussed a topic I have been thinking about a lot lately: identifying as an independent woman.
You see, I have been raised this way. I have been encouraged to challenge societal norms, and raised with the mindset that I can do whatever I want with my life. This can be clearly defined as the Generation Y mentality. If you want to go to college, go to college. If you want more education, go get it. Despite my generational stereotype, many women my age face the pressures of finding Mr. Perfect, getting married, and having babies. While I want all those things (I have 1 out of three), I am on my own timeline and have other dreams to fulfill. What’s the rush? I want to travel. I want to become established in my career. I want to be financially secure. I feel all these things will make me a better person, partner, and mother.
Here’s the issue at hand:
Why are independent women viewed as scary and/or intimidating?
I can only speak for myself, and how I define "independent". I have learned what I like, and what I don’t like. I have invested in my education. I take inititative for my own happiness. I challenge someone if I am feeling disrespected, or unheard. Why is this scary intimidating for people men*? Why is this not celebrated? Why is it acceptable for men to do the aforementioned, but not women?
Over our second course of tapas, we shared stories of negative reactions we’ve received for presenting ourselves as “independent”. For instance, my friend was told by her now ex-boyfriend to, “Get off your independent kick, and be a normal woman.” As described so eloquently in this dude’s blog post, we women are just suffering from what he calls “Independent Women Syndrome”.That’s right... we’ve been diagnosed, ladies!
He described one symptom as: “You have a hard time giving respect – what I mean by this is that, when you get so wrapped up into being an independent woman, you are not as easily impressed.”
Seriously? WTF? We get “wrapped up”?
How about you stop getting so wrapped up in being a douche bag? News flash… maybe you’re just not impressive? Big deal, you washed the dishes. Do women get applauded when they do housework? So what if a woman prefers to handle problems on her own? Or maybe she wants to buy dinner. The real question is: how secure is your ego, guys?
Having a sense of independence, should never be a bad thing. So why has the word’s connotation taken such a negative turn? Why is it scary? And why is it even more common to see men, and even other woman being turned off when a woman says, “I am independent.”?
Seriously... I want answers.
Seriously... I want answers.
*I do want to note that while I am using men as the example, I realize not all men think this way. Including my own guy. :)
1 comment:
I think when a person is intimidated by an independent woman it is because they feel insecure within themselves. Some people have to feel necessary, have the need to feel superior.
The fear is that they will not be needed, and they are disposable (but really who likes to feel disposable?).
I also think that when people hear independent woman, they think mean, they think arrogant. It’s unfortunate that there are people who still think that because a woman wants to be happy and will do what is necessary to be successful and get happy, that she is a ‘bitch’.
I do believe that this isn’t everyone’s thought, and that the view of being an independent woman can be a turn on or even a qualification for a man. For those that do not believe this, there are plenty of women who desire to be submissive and to have their fate decided for them. I suggest your friend’s ex, go ahead and find one of those ladies and learn that he no longer is superior nor necessary in her life.
Here is my question for you. Often I hear that chivalry is dead, and that ‘gentlemen’ don’t exist anymore, referring to men no longer holding open car doors, offering to carry heavy things, allowing a woman to be first when entering a room etc.
Do you think that the rise of independent ladies doing things for themselves, and ultimately changing the social ‘expectation’ of a woman is a factor in the change in social ‘expectation’ of men?
Is it fair to say, I will evolve as a woman and become independent but you (man) must remain the same…?
Post a Comment