When Your Mother Says She's Fat

An incredible post for all women to read :

When Your Mother Says She's Fat

Lynnwood CrossFit

My CrossFit gym, Lynnwood CrossFit, just released this awesome video. I think the video does a great job of describing CrossFit, and how it's different than the mainstream club gyms. I never thought a gym could change the way I see fitness, or even better...the way I view my body.

Check it out:

The Criticism of a Women's Body

A very inspirational woman took her camera and did what many (including myself) would fear. 

She decided to capture people's reactions to her body.  

You can view her powerful photo series HERE. 

Top 6: Things to Know When Starting CrossFit

I have been doing CrossFit for about 9 months now. I have turned this form of fitness into a habit, a passion or dare I say… addiction? Challenging my mind and body in this way has changed me as a person, and I never thought I could say that about working out. Here are my tips to those (especially women) who are interested in stepping into a box.

Body Image & Why I Write About It

I am a woman who makes a constant effort to eat healthy and feel good about herself. I am also a woman who loves red velvet cupcakes, ice cream and can eat an entire box of cereal in one sitting. I stand with all women who are told what size they should be. How their legs shouldn't be touching. And to ignore hunger or indulgences. At the grocery store, with our carts full of low fat, low calorie slim-and-trim snacks, we pass by dozens of magazines that offer an iconic image of beauty and offerings of advice: Super Simple Slim-Down..... How to Turn Off Hunger.....Tips to fit those jeans.We are never good enough. We could always be thinner, prettier, better in bed.

After reading this article, I was inspired. This is why I write about body image: 

Notice the contradicting headlines. And the awkward why her hand was airbrushed.

 

I write about body image because "How can I know what I think until I see what I say." - E.M. Forster

I write about body image because I hardly ever feel beautiful, but know that I am. 

I write about body image because beauty is an alienating thing--a terribly lonely thing--belonging not to the the person in possession of it, but to all those with the eyes to behold it.  

I write about body image because at the age of eighteen, heartbroken and homesick and absolutely out-of-my-depth, I learned what a calorie was. 

I write about body image because it takes five minutes in front of a mirror to reshape how I perceive my own body.

I write about body image because the body is flesh and bones and tangible in a way that everything else is not. 

I write about body image because it's easier to think a man doesn't love me because-of-what-I-look-like than to hang in the gray space of the-infinite-unknown. But why, why doesn't he love me?

And I'm not good at the gray space.

I write about body image because body-image sometimes seems like a life-raft worth clinging to in the choppy waters of this impossible sea we call life.

It isn't.

I write about body image because for years when I would feel too much, and couldn't control a thing, I would control the one thing I could. Only to feel nothing, if only for a moment.

I write about body image because some days it is absolutely unbearable to live in my skin. And I think I cannot endure this sensation a moment longer. And I know it has nothing do with my physical body...yet it feels like it does. 

I write about body image because for a long time it was easier to hate my thighs and my hips than admit I really did not like myself.

I write about body image because it is the prism through which we, as women, see and talk about the world.

We talk about wanting to look this way or that way, when (I'm convinced), what we really want is love and acceptance and life-alteringly-good-things. (And appearance, for the most part, does not alter one's life--not in the big ways we always imagine it might).

I write about body image because it is the code by which we discuss things so large they scare us to say aloud.

I say “I'm fat” when what I really mean is “I'm sad.” And I berate the size of my thighs because that is easier than admitting I am untethered and adrift and totally lost at this point in my life--that notion is too big and too true and will surely make others uncomfortable, so I make it small...so small that it is about the size of my waist or the awkward way I smile.

I write about body image because before I can tell you just-why-it-is-I-really-don't-care-for-a-particular-woman (and sometimes, I really don't) I can say no less than five judgmental and evaluative things about what-she-looks-like. (Think about it, I bet you can do this too).

I find this both appalling and fascinating.

I write about body image because it shouldn't be a thing, but it is a thing, and more than that.. it points to THE THINGS!(all the big and significant things that life is really and actually about and therefore difficult to break down into small, manageable pieces).

I write about body image because eating disorders have effected women that I love madly and cherish deeply. Including myself.

You Are Not A Number

Change your thoughts. 

The number on the scale does not define who you are. 

Pay attention to what your body is telling you. 

How do you feel? 

Do your clothes fit? 

Do you have energy?

Stop comparing. 

Your worth is not determined by the size of your jeans. 

Commit to loving yourself. 

Believe in health. 

Strive for strength, not skinny. 

{Recommended Read: Whipping Girl by Julia Serano}

As an assigned text for my Gender Theory class, I am reading Julia Serano's, "Whipping Girl". As a transexual women, Julia shares her experiences pre- and post-transition. This is not a confessional tell-all that non-trans people seem to constantly want to hear. She does not tell about the details of sex reassignment surgery and hormones in gory detail. The intent of her book was to debunk many of the myths and misconceptions that people have about transexual women, as well as gender in general. She breaks down sex, gender, privilege, feminism and love. 


This book might make some uncomfortable, as the subject is still ridiculed and severely misunderstood. This book is personal, analytical and will challenge you. 


A recommended read. 


My professor has arranged for Julia to Skype into our last class. We have the opportunity to ask her questions, and hear directly from her. I feel honored and am looking forward to it. 


Check her out: 

Body Image & Being a Woman

Adriana Lima, Victoria's Secret model, describes what it takes to attain the body you see at VS Fashion Show. The routine includes two strenuous work-outs with a personal trainer every day, a diet specifically created for her by a nutritionalist with little or no fats and carbs, consuming only egg-powder-based protein shakes for 9 days before a show, and dehydrating her body (no liquids) the day before going on stage. Her literal full-time job is keeping up her appearance... and yet the VS Fashion Show "allegedly defines what the world perceives as the hottest-sexiest-most beautiful female form."

Fuck Off.

In her honor, I'll eat a bowl of ice cream while watching the VS show. And I will love by body more with every bite.

c/o thecsph.tumblr.com

"What would happen if one women told the truth about her life?

The world would spit open."

-Muriel Rukeyser

A Loving Body

The female body has many uses. It's been used as a door knocker, a bottle opener, a clock with a ticking belly, as something to hold up lampshades, as a nutcracker, just squeeze the brass legs together and out comes your nut. It bears torches, lifts victorious wreaths, grows copper wings, and raises aloft a ring of neon stars; whole buildings rest in its marble heads. 


It sells cars, beer, shaving lotion, cigarettes, hard liquor; it sells diet plans and diamonds, and desire in crystal bottles. It's on trading cards and billboards, t-shirts and movie screens. It does not merely sell, it is sold. 


My body and I have never really been friends. Women today are bombarded with images of the "perfect female body". The ability to shove away that massage, and look in the mirror with pride is something I am still working on.  


On a bad day, I'll pick at myself. Staring at myself in the mirror, literally pinching at my parts in disgust. I hate my thighs, my arms are awful…and I don't even want to look at my stomach. Over the years I have identified this behavior as unhealthy, so I will either just avoid the mirror… or I will avoid that bowl of ice-cream. 


Unfortunately, I feel the stars have to align for there to be a good day. I have come to realize it's not that there aren't "good days", I just rarely celebrate them. On a good day, my freshly washed jeans will fit without me having to do lunges. I have energy. And honestly, it comes down to whether or not the first outfit I try on looks good; The less time standing in front of the mirror, the better. 


I am working on myself. I have a goal I am working towards - it's a healthy goal, nothing crazy. I want to be able to look through a magazine without gawking over the waist of a model. I want to go to the gym and feel powerful, not frumpy. I want to eat that bowl of ice-cream without remorse. 


The female body is an incredible machine. Every woman has her own journey to loving herself unconditionally. I am empowered to continue mine.